Mad Libs Monday - How to Enjoy Yourself on the Beach

When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of piss, lots of suntan fags, and a couple of folding sybians. Then you put on your condoms so you can get a beautiful diareah-brown to last you all summer.

You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your horse cock. If you want exercise, you can find some shits to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America’s favorite hairless game.

You can also bring a shitty lunch, such as hard-boiled dongs, a few penis fish sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of knuckle-cunt cola.

If you remember all of the above and get a place near a dope-ass lifeguard, you can sunbathe swimingly all day.

Mad Libs Monday - A Letter to a Friend Back Home

Dear Hairless Bill,
Well, here we are at the fucked Seaside Hotel in your mom's garage. The weather is shit soaked and the temperature is one degrees. Our hotel room looks out onto a garden filled with piss salad trees and tropical homies.

The natives are all farty and spend their time blowing and riding their fucks through the streets. Most of them only speak fucking chinese, but I can communicate by making signs with my hairless gash.

The local food is really shaved. Mostly they eat skanky burritos and refried hairy coleslaw. Our hotel only costs a hundred rump-humpers a day. We are going to spend the week horning and then come home.

Wish you were here.

Ralph-

Mad Libs Monday - Driving in the Car

Last summer for a vacation, my dad drove us to the fuck house. Our car is a 2012 sedan with three trillion doors and a hung motor. We started out at sunrise. My mom and dad spent all night shape shifting the house and ovulating the car so we could get an early start.

My dad took his golf fun bags and my mom took her tennis spunk. I took my dog, Hairless Bob. The dog and I and my little horny sister sat in the back. My dad was the driver, and as he came out of the driveway he ran into a fart and dented a tampon. My mom said, “Why don’t you pay attention and watch where you are stroking?”

After another trillion hours, we stopped to stroke at a shit covered plant. The shit covered plant was horrible, and this got my dad masterbating again.

After driving swimmingly in this manner for two days, we finally arrived here and have been having a really storied time.

Mad Libs Monday - Vacation

A vacation is when you take a trip to some fucked place with your shitty family. Usually you go to some place that is near a hairy beanbag or up on a tit. A good vacation place is one where you can ride shit beetles or play hide and fuck or go hunting for poo poos. I like to spend my time horse fucking or butt fucking.

When parents go on a vacation, they spend their time eating three big ol titties a day, and fathers play golf, and mothers sit around jerking. Last summer, my little brother fell in an ass and got poison Venus ball trap all over his huge testicles. My family is going to go to a whore house, and I will practice fellating.

Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very fucked and because they have to work a billion and 69 hours every day all year making enough assholes to pay for the vacation.