Monday, November 30, 2009

Mad Libs Monday - Vacation

A vacation is when you take a trip to some fucked place with your shitty family. Usually you go to some place that is near a hairy beanbag or up on a tit. A good vacation place is one where you can ride shit beetles or play hide and fuck or go hunting for poo poos. I like to spend my time horse fucking or butt fucking.

When parents go on a vacation, they spend their time eating three big ol titties a day, and fathers play golf, and mothers sit around jerking. Last summer, my little brother fell in an ass and got poison Venus ball trap all over his huge testicles. My family is going to go to a whore house, and I will practice fellating.

Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very fucked and because they have to work a billion and 69 hours every day all year making enough assholes to pay for the vacation.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Near Dark

This is a pretty good movie. I hate vampires, especially "new vampires" and they just took something descent and made a shit ass cover. This is not the worse cover this week, but the principle of turning it into a "Twilight" cover is the shitty!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Clone Wars: Season 1 - Blu-ray Review

It's pretty well known that I like Star Wars. I really like the universe and mythology. Even though the prequels were not the greatest of motion pictures, I definitely like that the Star Wars universe has been opened up with more technology, life forms, droids and locations.

The thing that i noticed from the prequels is that George Lucas has an active imagination and his team of artists and technicians treat the series with great affection. If you put the Star Wars universe in someone else's hands, they take care of it better than George Lucas would ever do. He is full of imagination, but does not have that filter that us fans would have.

When i first heard that they were making a Clone Wars series, i had pretty much dismissed it as a children's show and decided that it was going to be a cartoon made for those kids from the prequel era of Star Wars. Last Christmas i received the "theatrical Clone Wars" on blu ray. I watched it and thought it was really boring. It sort of doused any flicker of hope that i had for Star Wars.

But for some reason i decided to set the Tivo to record an episode of the series and i have to tell you, this is actually a really good show. There are moments that are definitely geared towards the younger set, but the great thing is that the people behind the show try to filter out some of the more questionable aspects of the prequels and make them more "classic" friendly. There is a lot of dialogue in the series which are lifted directly from the original trilogy. There is also a lot of technology and creatures that bridge the gap between the classic and prequel trilogies. And thankfully you don't have to watch too many episodes before it starts catering to those who have given up on Star Wars.

Thanks to this show bridging the gap between episode II and III, it really makes those two films a little bit better. It adds weight and dimension to some of those characters you only get to see briefly in the films.

Last week i received the entire first season on Blu ray for only $34.99 on Amazon, which is an absolute STEAL for what you get. The Blu Rays are packed with extras, including director's cuts, featurettes for each episode as well as artwork for the series. The packaging is amazing. The discs come in a booklet filled with amazing artwork from the series. The footage looks incredible in 1080 and really shows off the great "painted" style of the series.

Anyone who was into Star Wars at one time in their life, only to be let down by the prequels, this is a great way to feel like a kid again. These are Star Wars in the literal sense and it is great seeing World War 2 type of warfare set in the Star Wars universe and Blu Ray is the only way to watch these! Finally, it's Star Wars in Saturday Morning Serial Form!!

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Some of My Favorite Films

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
32. Alien
33. Top Secret!
34. Six String Samurai
35. Brazil
36. Big Trouble in Little China
37. Summer School
38. Unbreakable
39. Dead Alive
40. Planet of the Apes
41. District 9

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A View to a Kill

For the last few 007 reviews, i have mentioned how OLD Roger Moore was. This review is no different. HOLY MOSES! This dude is like a human prune, and apparently is just as sexy as he was in 1973 when he did Live and Let Die. Even though Roger Moore is super fucking old looking, it does not compare to how fucking old Lois "Ms. Moneypenny" Maxwell looks. Watching these two interact is like watching Q's balls slapping together between his old wrinkly legs!

So anyway, James Bond is thrown into another globe trotting adventure that takes him around the world that he must save. This movie has to be, in my opinion, the worse 007 movie ever! There is only two things in this movie that actually stand out. Christopher Walken and Patrick Macnee. Walken is a total badass and Macnee is probably the greatest of Bond's sidekicks.

Everything else in the movie is pretty sucky. Grace Jones and Tanya Roberts are the shittiest pair of Bond Girls to ever be put in the same movie. Grace Jones is just too fucking weird to be hot and Tanya Roberts is absolutely ANNOYING! There is not a single stunt that stands out. The "Beach Boys" song at the beginning is atrocious.

I honestly do not want to go on about this movie, but the crappy blue-screen climax on the Golden Gate Bridge is the final nail in the boring coffin. James Bond films are great because they are escapism at their finest, but going to San Francisco is something that i can do on any given weekend.

The best thing about A View to a Kill, that it marks the 3rd time that the Bond producers decided to reevaluate the direction of the franchise. It happened after You Only Live Twice and Moonraker and i could not be happier to be saying goodbye to Roger Moore who peaked two movies prior and move on to a more grittier Fleming Bond.

So long Mr. Moore and hello Mr. Dalton!!

★ ½

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - The Little Cars Big Adventure

Along the line of What's Up.