Octopussy

In 1983 Warner Bros. was going to release a remake of Thunderball, starring Sean Connery as James Bond. With EON productions feeling threatened by having a lesser product out, they decided to keep their established 007 actor in the role opposed to casting a new one. 1983 became the year of the Double Old Farts!

Octopussy just may be one of the least memorable outings in the entire franchise. Every time i go to watch Octopussy, i think, "Oh that's this one". Octopussy isn't that bad of a film, there is just some really questionable moments sprinkled throughout, which is strange because of how much work they did in the previous film to ground 007 in reality. Some of the most insane moments from the whole franchise happen in Octopussy, including James Bond driving a mechanical aligator, a buzzsaw yo-yo, a mechanical horse's ass, a Tarzan yell and James Bond dressed as a circus clown.

So it had been 11 years since Roger Moore had begun portraying 007 and this dude aged as poorly as a jack o' lantern. He is so gross and wrinkly that they had to recast old Maud Adams to play his love interest. He is all hunched over and it doesn't help that they put him in old people's clothes. I could be wrong, but i am pretty sure there is a point in the film where Roger Moore is wearing a Fort Lauderdale retiree one piece suit. I think that every time he throws a punch he also throws out his back. It is really embarrassing watching a "Panti-Hose Doll" trying to run around on top a train while chasing bad guys.

There is not much to say about the other characters in Octopussy. The only real stand out in the film is Vijay Amritraj, James Bond's contact in India. He is probably the most likable sidekick in any of the Bond Films and his death is probably the most heartbreaking. The girls are really 80's looking, especially Octopussy's henchwoman played by Kristina Wayborn. She is super 80's looking.

Octopussy is not a good film, but it is a hundred times better than the Sean Connery film Never Say Never Again! Thank God that Roger Moore finally stepped down from the role of 007 after Octopussy, because he was getting WAY TO FREAKING OLD!!!

Wait, what? Roger Moore will Return in A View to a Kill??

★ ★ ½