Ralph-

RIP BLOGSPOT!!!

2010-03-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOGSPOT IS DONE!!

FOR YOUR DAILY DOSE OF MY BULLSHIT!!

GRACIAS.

My New Employment with Encom!

2010-03-18T12:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I came home and this was in the mail! I was very excited and decided whatever it was, deserved to be blogged about. So i took a few pictures to chronicle my first experience with an ARG!!

Inside the package was an Encom badge (with Group 7 Clearance). It is super freaking cool looking!

So i threw the badge in my scanner, so that i could get a clean image of that barcode to the right of my picture from 1982.

As my picture was scanning, i downloaded a barcode reader app on my iPhone. The barcode on the Encom badge sent me to this link! Damn i love technology!! Looks like i need to charge my phone.

I input the site listed in the barcode. I don't know the last time i actually typed out http://www, but i didn't want to screw this up. I logged in to the site using my Badge ID as well as my super secret FlynnLives.Com password.

Once i was in, this page was displayed.

This was the most interesting part of the main page. I wish i was going to Wondercon. On the main page there was nothing to click on, with the exception of my email inbox which is located on the upper right hand side of the page!

This is my inbox, which displayed the five emails i had received. Here they are in order.

This must be in reference to a pre St. Patrick's Day party. Who has a party on a Sunday?

Screw this "stick in the mud". I want my Tagalongs!

You will have to come grab them out of my cold dead hands!

Uh Oh! I think that the Flynn Lives supporters need to be more subtle.

And Finally....

This got me pretty freaking giddy!!

I will keep you updated on future events, such as these.

$1,516.23 in Two Hours!

2010-03-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

BE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY SEGMENT ON SUNDAY 3/21/10
9:00-11:00am (est)!!

click here to listen to the announcement!

What is Rich Fields Doing Now?

2010-03-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

GETTING THE PARTY STARTED

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Alessandra Celletti Paraphenrnalia

2010-03-16T00:21:00.000-07:00

Big Brother Amazon

2010-03-11T16:12:00.000-08:00

Amazon must be following my weekly searches, because i had received an email today from them that was littered with Shitty DVDs.

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

What is Rich Fields Doing Now?

2010-03-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

SINGING GOOD VIBRATIONS

TRON Legacy: The Teaser Trailer

2010-03-10T11:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't really posted a lot of TRON news up on this site, but anyone following me on Facebook knows that i am incredibly fired up for the sequel. For a while now, people have been able to look at the VFX CONCEPT TEST done for the film.

This past weekend i went and saw Alice in Wonderland (review to come?), but more importantly i saw the new trailer for TRON Legacy. Although it is just a teaser, it still shows a lot from the world of TRON and i am incredibly excited. I have a feeling that it wont live up to the hype that i am setting myself up for, but i also feel that it wont diminish the 1982 film. It looks like TRON and the music by Daft Punk is great. It is shaping up to be a cool looking movie!

CLICK HERE for HD and Downloadable versions!

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Boys of Summerville

2010-03-09T06:11:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow Never Dies

2010-03-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow Never Dies may be my favorite of the Brosnan films, even though i dislike all of the characters and the story. I wish that i could take the best moments of the Brosnan era and mix up the characters and story element to make one big average movie.

My excitement for Tomorrow Never Dies starts at the very beginning of the film. That's right, the famous James Bond 007 Gunbarrel Sequence. It is only like 15 second long, but is always the highlight of going to see any Bond movie in the theater. It is the film's way of saying, what you are about to watch is set in the history of the franchise. Since Goldeneye was the first 007 film i saw in the theater, you can imagine my delight hearing David Arnold's music played at the beginning as opposed to Eric Serra. David Arnold took elements of John Barry's orchestrations of the James Bond theme and did his own Gun Barrel motif. Hearing an actual orchestra play something that sounded like classic Barry was so refreshing. An i knew that this time around they were going to do things right, if not better.

The movie on the whole isn't very good. Go figure, but i do like that there isn't a ton of CG. There are some great sequences and all of the action scenes are well done, with the exception of the motorcycle chase, which feels slow and awkward. The movie also suffers from a huge lag in the third act. Not that the first two acts are fast paced, but it gets starts to get way overbearing. It doesn't help that Jonathan Price puts in a horrible performance as the main villain, Elliot Carver. On top of the shitty villain, you have two of my least favorite bond girls of all time, Michelle Yeoh and Teri Hatcher. I do not like either of them in this movie and the new characters are what usually make or break a bond film. At this point, we have already seen 007 in seventeen adventures, so a lot of the entertainment value lies in the supporting cast, which was just heinous.

Judi Dench returns in the role of "M" and once again talks about her balls. Why would they have two back to back Dench Testicle jokes? It's baffling.

Over all the movie is just so-so. So considering that this is my favorite of the Brosnan films, really shows you what you are in for on the next two outings.

Tomorrow Never Dies, although has an incredibly slick look, great action and an amazing score by David Arnold, is still forgettable and boring.

★ ★ ½

What is Rich Fields Doing Now?

2010-03-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

EATING LUNCH

This Brings Me Joy.

2010-03-03T14:39:00.000-08:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Broadway's Leading Ladies

2010-03-02T11:13:00.000-08:00

Cop Out - Review

2010-03-01T15:02:00.001-08:00

This past weekend i caught the new Kevin Smith directed buddy cop movie, Cop Out. As you all probably know by now, Kevin Smith did not write the film, but was hired on to direct it only. I have seen every Kevin Smith film, and every one since Chasing Amy in a theater.

I consider myself a fan of Smith, but i am not as enthusiastic about his films as much as when i was in high school. It seems as i have been maturing, Kevin Smith hasn't. His films have looked better over the years, but not by much. When i go into a Kevin Smith film i usually go into it with lower expectation. For a guy who i have been following for as many years as i have, you would think that my expectations would rise. There is something about Kevin Smith's films, that will always feel like an indie film from the 90's.

As soon as Cop Out started i could tell it was a Kevin Smith movie. A generic establishing shot, silent, with a shitty font is interrupted by some outdated song that is way too obviously trying to convey a message. In this case, it is a shot of what i assume was Brooklyn because after the the awkward pause and shitty font "No Sleep til Brooklyn" began to play. It is almost Smith's calling card, to let you know to take the movie lightly, because he is just that one guy who started as a clerk in a New Jersey convenience store. It was only ten seconds into the movie and i was already preparing for the worse.

Once i got through the first scene, in which Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis interrogated a perp, i was reminded that i actually can relax and enjoy Kevin Smith's newest movie. Of course that shitty font from before was blown up real big to reveal the title of the movie. Jesus dude, what is up with the shitty font? This is Kevin's Smith's most slick looking film, yet that font looks so fucking cheap! Why don't some movies just use the font from the posters? It's always baffled me.

After a couple minutes being frustrated with that font, i started to get back into the movie. As i said, the movie looked really slick. For a budget of $30 million, i thought he put together a really good looking film. I think that DP Dave Klein did a great job. He is to be commended for giving the movie some life.

Another key factor into making this movie really enjoyable was Harold Faltermeyer. Some of you might know Faltermeyer's work from such films as Fletch, Beverly Hills Cop and The Running Man. All of those movies, from the 80's, used nothing but synths in their scores and Cop Out does the same. The score, mixed with Smith's directing style, really make this movie have the feel and pace of an 80's buddy cop film, which is something i really enjoyed.

The story of Cop Out is really tough to convey in a short amount of time, but the real reason someone goes to see this movie is to watch the antics of Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis. I have to tell you, every time these two were on screen together it was an incredible pleasure to watch. There are a few scenes where they are not together and it's just not that great. My only gripe with the characters Jimmy Monroe and Paul Hodges is that they were not up to "those wacky antics" throughout the entire movie. They are not the crazy cops that i was hoping for. Their methods are not as insane as you would think. It's not that the characters are straying from the comedy aspect of the story, it's just that the commercials lead me astray of who these two guys were. Tracy Morgan is funny as is Bruce Willis, i just hoped that the movie was "straight-laced cop and insane cop".

One of the highlights of the film was definitely Sean William Scott! Sean William Scott's Dave character is an annoying drugged out psychopath, who could have been way too annoying. I admire Kevin Smith for showing restraint on this character in particular. If there was too much of Dave, it would have killed everything. Another highlight was "the other cops" Hunsaker and Mangold. The two cops that are in direct competition to Hodges and Monroe was brilliantly played by Adam Brody and Kevin Pollack.

One misstep as far as characters goes, was Kevin Smith's use of bad guy "Po Boy". The character was all over the map and off-putting at times. The character should have either been all the way goofy, or all the way intimidating. I definitely blame this misstep on Smith. I wish he could have figured out this character more fully before committing it to screen.

My last gripe with this film is Kevin Smith's editing. I understand why Kevin Smith would want to edit all his movies, but this has always been my problem with Smith's films. You can tell by watching it, what scenes Smith loves. A lot of times, his scenes play out like a dvd director's cut, which always translates into poor pacing issues. I really wish that Smith would hire a professional editor to work with so that Smith could please the audience and not just himself. I just chalked up the weird pacing to "It's just like an 80's movie".

Other than the weird pacing issues and shitty font, me and Stevi found ourselves really enjoying the film, a lot! I had a blast watching these two guys interact. I would even go as far as saying i would love to see a sequel. Even though i am still a Kevin Smith fan, i would love to see someone different direct the sequel. If Kevin Smith showed some restraint in the editing room and less restraint on making Tracy Morgan stick to the script, this film could have been really amazing! As it stands it's just a good, entertaining movie.

All in all, i was really surprised about how much i liked Cop Out and would love to see a sequel that pushes the boundaries of the vulgar buddy cop action comedy.

★ ★ ★ ½

What is Rich Fields doing now?

2010-02-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

POINTING AT YOUR BOOBS

Will The Dharmalars Return?

2010-02-24T13:19:00.001-08:00

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU!

click here to listen to the announcement!

Formspring.me/casinoskunk

2010-02-23T14:35:00.000-08:00

Do you have a burning question that you would like me to answer? I just set up a Form Spring account so you can scratch that itch. If you don't feel like heading over to that site, simply pose your question in the box on the right side of this blog! I look forward to answering your questions.

James Bond - The Attribute Havingest!

2010-02-23T00:03:00.000-08:00

SEAN CONNERY - "The Boat Endingest"

Of the six 007 films that Sean Connery did, he ended on a boat five times.

Dr. No - Boat Ending (pictured above)
From Russia with Love - Boat Ending
Goldfinger - Non Boat Ending
Thunderball - Boat Ending
You Only Live Twice - Boat Ending
Diamonds are Forever - Boat Ending
_____________________________________________________

GEORGE LAZENBY - "The Winter Sportingest"

Considering that George Lazenby was only in one Bond film, it's insane that he participated in four different Winter Sports.

Winter Sports George Lazenby involved in:
Skiing
Bobsledding
Ice Demo Derby
Curling (pictured above)
_____________________________________________________

ROGER MOORE - "The Boatingest"

Damn, this dude loved to drive a boat! Roger Moore had two boat chases in one movie!

Live and Let Die - Speed Boat Chase on the Bayou
The Man with the Golden Gun - Boat Chase in the Canals of Thailand
The Spy Who Loved Me - His Car turned into a boat and there was a Chase (also rode a Jet Ski)
Moonraker - Boat Chase in a Gondola in Venice and Speed Boat Chase in the Amazon
For Your Eyes Only - Got dragged from a Boat
Octopussy - A boat shaped like an alligator (pictured above)
A View to a Kill - Drove a boat shaped like an ice burg
_____________________________________________________

TIMOTHY DALTON - "The Plane Hangingest"

Considering T-Dalt was only in two 007 films, he did plenty of hanging from air planes.

The Living Daylights - Hanging off the back of a giant cargo net (pictured above)
License to Kill - Hanging on the tail of Sanchez's Plane, Hanging off of Krest's Plane, Hanging off his own plane.
_____________________________________________________

PIERCE BROSNAN - "The Free Fallingest"

Brosnan started off his career as 007 by doing a bungee jump.

Goldeneye - Bungee Jump, Chasing a plane off a cliff
Tomorrow Never Dies - Falling from a building with Michelle Yeoh, The H.A.L.O. jump.
The World is not Enough - Falling out of an office building, Falling from a hot air balloon, Jumping out of a helicopter on skis, Diving off a cliff while chasing a submarine (pictured above).
Die Another Day - Falling off a cliff and parasailing to safety, Falling out of a plane in a helicopter
_____________________________________________________

DANIEL CRAIG - "The Object Tossingest"

Of the two movies he has done, he sure likes to get rid of things once they are of no use to him.

Casino Royale - Tosses Car keys of some douchebags he teaches a lesson to, He tosses poker chips as if they don't deserve his time.
Quantum of Solace - Tosses room keys, a cell phone, Vesper's love knot, an oil can (pictured above) and a door knob.

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Tarot Fantasy Bellydance

2010-02-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

Avatar - Review

2010-02-18T13:52:00.000-08:00

After a five month of not going to the movies, i finally broke down and went to see Avatar. Last saturday me and Stevi decided to go to Edwards at the Irvine Spectrum to check it out in 3D. I was hoping that there was an IMAX showing, but unfortunately there wasn't. Even though it was not IMAX the showing for both of us was $31. I now see why this movie is number one at the box office. Luckily we had Edward's giftcards, so we didn't feel the sting of paying that much for a movie.

There is not really much to say about the movie. The story was pretty basic. A man goes undercover to learn about a civilization only to befriend them and fight on their side against the corporation that sent him. It's kind of like Logan's Run, Minority Report and Equilibrium in that respect.

The 3d was pretty cool, but didn't seem to work that well when i was expecting it. I was really hoping to see these grand vistas in beautiful 3d, but those shots seemed the most flat. I wanted to feel like i could fall into the valleys and fly through trees, but all establishing shots were just plain flat. One of the problems with 3d, is that it makes the image look small, if that makes sense. With 3d glasses on, it made everything look weirdly small. I think that IMAX would have been way better. Watching it in a normal theater made it look like a small diorama in front of me.

The special fx were pretty good, but my main problem was the character animation. There were too many times where the NA'VI looked rubbery. I know they are aliens, but they did not move very realistically. The textures on the close ups of the creatures looked great! The faces looked really well, with the exception of the Sigourney Weaver avatar. Hers looked the most fake. I wouldn't be surprised if they added her character's avatar in at the last minute. It just didn't look real at all. Of course it didn't help that Sigourney Weaver's acting was absolutely atrocious.

Speaking of acting, i thought that it was pretty standard. There were no real standout performances, with the exception of Zoe Saldana. I thought she did a bang up job. She was the only real character that had any kind of interesting character arc. I don't think i have seen Sam Worthington in anything before, but i thought he did a good job, considering that his character was uninspiring. All of the characters were one dimensional. The bad guys were assholes, the good guys were nice. The corporate guy is greedy and doesn't learn his lesson. The movie is so cookie cutter and safe that it won't upset anyone, which is why i guess the whole thing works. If this challenged the audience whatsoever, it would not make the money it did. It is pure fluff.

Even though the movie does not challenge the mind in anyway, it is beautiful to look at. Because it is so safe, there isn't that much, story wise, to argue with. When you go to see Avatar, you will be treated to exactly what you though you would. It is definitely better than Titanic, but is not as good as any other James Cameron films.

I am glad i got to see it in the theater. Both me and Stevi had a good time and as far as escapism goes, Avatar definitely takes you to the world of Pandora and allows you to leave the real world for three hours.

★ ★ ★ ½

What is Rich Fields Doing Now?

2010-02-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

APPLAUDING LIKE A SPAZ

Goldeneye

2010-02-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

After six years without a James Bond film, 007 would return with an all new actor stepping into the roll. Pierce Brosnan was the perfect choice. Years before he appeared in Goldeneye, the producers had their sights set on him. During the making of For Your Eyes Only, Brosnan would visit the set, which starred his wife Cassandra Harris. The producers even wanted to have him replace Roger Moore in A View to a Kill, but he was still under contract for Remington Steele.

In 1995, the stars finally aligned and Pierce Brosnan stepped into one of the most boring Bond films of all time. Goldeneye was the first 007 movie that i saw in the theater and i was super amped! At the beginning of the film, there is this awesome bungie jump sequence that was super badass, unfortunately it was followed up by a bluescreen jump off a cliff. This is the worse part about the Brosnan era. There is too much CG. I am fine with space stations being special fx in 007 films, but when the stunts are cg, it's just lame! The whole point of James Bond is that he is a superman, who can do amazing feats. As soon as you put him in a cg world, it is just stupid. You lose any suspension of disbelief.

The best part of Goldeneye is that tank sequence, other than that the movie has little to no excitement. The villains are bland, the acting is wooden, the love interest is boring. Everything about this film is just bland. One of the worse parts is that "Q" is obviously reading off of cue cards.

One of the best things to come out of Goldeneye is the fact that Judi Dench played "M". I really like the direction that the series took the character "M", but in this movie they tried so hard to make her a ball buster, that she became so annoying and unbearable. I am glad that her character was fleshed out a little more in subsequent Bond flicks.

I do like Famke Janssen in this film. Even though she is the most single dimensional character, at least she brought some excitement to her role. Other than her, Sean Bean, Robbie Coltrane, Izabella Scorupco (who is way hotter without her Goldeneye haircut), Allan Cumming, Pierce Brosnan and Joe Don Baker are all BORING!! Don't get me started on the Eric Serra score.

Don't let the video game fool you. This movie is not an action fest, which would be fine if the story wasn't another "laser pointed at the earth" senario!

★ ★

Casinoskunk.Com

2010-02-17T15:12:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, i just acquired the domain CASINOSKUNK.COM. As you can see it is just my blog, but maybe i will have a full blown site in the future.

One Of My Favorites!

2010-02-17T11:55:00.000-08:00

BethanyShady.Com

2010-02-16T16:41:00.001-08:00

My friend Bethany Shady has a brand new website that promotes all of her endeavors. When i checked out her site today, i noticed that there was a link to this very blog. To show my appreciation for adding me to her friends links i have posted a link to her page in my "Things i fully endorse" bar to the right. Check out her site as well as her book, "Matilda Turnip's Endless Belly Button".

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Tone Loc T.V.

2010-02-16T00:24:00.000-08:00

"LA X" & "What Kate Does"

2010-02-10T16:28:00.001-08:00

My theory is that the off island stuff is, for lack of a better term, Season 7 and has yet to happen on Jack and Kate's "timeline". I think they were placed on that plane in Alternate 2004, after being darted in the neck.

That is why jack had looked at himself in the mirror so long. He had a sense of deja vu and and noticed he was older. Kate started to get some of her memory back when she heard the name Aaron. Things are sparking past distant memories. Memories that they could only have if they have experienced them before on the island.

I have a hunch that Hurley dies on the island and the one we see on the plane is from this alternate reality in which juliet sunk the island. Boone, Locke and Arzt are on the plane, because that is their alternate reality versions and NOT the versions that died on the island in the timeline we are used to.

I also have a theory that in this alternate reality that Sawyer is going to get off the plane and go home to his wife, Juliet.

Charlie was "Black Shirt" and wanted to die on the plane because Black Shirt can't die on the Island and wanted to "Go Home" to some sort of afterlife, due to the fact that he and Jacob are banished gods. Think of it like Bartleby and Loki in Dogma.

Think of it in the same way that the season 5 premiere went down. The opening of that season had Faraday in the Orchid, then that scene came back later in the season.

492 Days Left

2010-02-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

Another bit of casting news has surfaced for the Green Lantern film. Tim Robbins has now joined the cast as Hector Hammond's father.

So, here is the cast breakdown thus far:

Ryan Reynolds - Hal "Highball" Jordan/Green Lantern
Blake Lively - Carol Ferris
Mark Strong - Sinestro
Peter Sarsgaard - Dr. Hector Hammond
Tim Robbins - Senator Hammond

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Creating Karma

2010-02-09T01:59:00.000-08:00

The Aeolus Adventure!

2010-02-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

WHY HASN'T IT BEEN MADE?

License to Kill

2010-02-04T04:29:00.000-08:00

Timothy Dalton returned tougher, faster and more brutal in the first PG-13 James Bond film of the franchise. Everything that was set up in The Living Daylights was heightened in License to Kill, with the exception of the humor. James Bond was tough, unforgiving, vengeful and stripped of his 007 status.

Originally titled License Revoked, Eon Productions took James Bond down a really dark path. Even though there is some humor sprinkled in this film, none of it involves 007 himself. He is a rogue agent who will stop at nothing to avenge the death of Felix Leiter's wife Della. This is only the third time since Tracy's death in OHMSS is mentioned in the series and it is a main driving force behind this story.

This movie is great because it doesn't have a huge world domination plot. It is essentially about James Bond infiltrating a drug lord's organization and creating chaos within. The downfall to this movie is yet another annoying american bond girl. Pam Bouvier is pretty obnoxious. I do not know why the Bond Franchise portrays American woman as annoying hardasses that always want to work alone. Why can't they accept that it's okay to work with Bond? Another thing that i am not fond of is Michael Kamen's score to the film, which is just to loud and obnoxious. It is pretty much a cookie cutter 80's action score.

All in all, License to Kill is a pretty good movie. It isn't the greatest, but it is true to Fleming. It's unfortunate that T-Dalt didn't get another shot at 007, but he made a pretty indelible mark on the franchise. Apparently the franchise was thought of as old and worn out. It wouldn't be another six years before 007 Returned!

"Don't worry - we gave her a nice honeyMOOOOON!"

★ ★ ★

Blarg Sketchbook - "OZ"

2010-02-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

A New Lost Podcast

2010-02-02T08:53:00.001-08:00

If you are in the market for a new LOST podcast, check out my friends' podcast Geronimo Jack's Beard. They have been talking about this since the summer and it will finally drop tomorrow!

Because the first episode hasn't aired yet, the show will not show up in the iTunes' search bar. If you want to subscribe, go to iTunes go to the ADVANCED TAB then select SUBSCRIBE TO PODCAST and input the following link.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/geronimojacksbeard

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - The Good Sisters

2010-02-02T01:54:00.000-08:00

Guardian & Sinestro Concept Art?

2010-01-28T12:38:00.001-08:00

Here are some more supposed concept designs for the Green Lantern film. Sinestro looks like Diedrich Bader in Office Space or A Vampire in Brooklyn. The Guardians look like tall retards, which would be the opposite of how they are portrayed in the book. I am beginning to suspect that all these concept design pieces are not actually from the movie. I liked the Tomar-Re, Kilowog and Abin Sure designs, but these look really dumb.

Chuck Cast vs. First Class

2010-01-27T12:12:00.000-08:00

Check out the latest episode of Chuck Cast, in which i co-host with Colleen. It has been a while since i have Podcasted, but doing Chuck Cast reminded me how much fun it was. Hopefully i will be able to return to a show in one form or another.

CLICK HERE to listen, or RIGHT CLICK to save.

LOST: The Final Thoughts

2010-01-26T20:59:00.000-08:00

Starting on Tuesday, i will be posting blogs about my thoughts on the final season of LOST. Please join the conversation in the comment section, i would love to hear from you!

Abin Sur, Tomar-Re & Kilowog Concept Art?

2010-01-26T20:04:00.001-08:00

"Well, Kilowog will be..." "Tomar-Re is in it. Sinestro is in it. Abin Sur is in it. All the origin people."
- Martin Campbell (dir. Green Lantern)

ComicBookMovie.Com has posted the images above and claim that these are actual concept designs for Abin Sur, Tomar-Re and Kilowog from the upcoming Green Lantern motion picture.

I have no idea if these are real leaked designs from the production or not. If they aren't, I am sure the actual designs will look very similar. Another thing, even if these are actually designs from the production it doesn't mean that these are the final designs. In any case, they are still fun to look at. Kudos to whoever "brought these characters to life".

Consider me stoked!!

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Nunchaku Karate Weapon of Self-Defense

2010-01-26T00:36:00.000-08:00

Season 6

2010-01-25T13:21:00.001-08:00

I have to tell you that I am pretty fired up for LOST in one week, but at the same time a little sad. Much like Charlie knowing that he was going to die toward the end of season 3, it is sad knowing that we are coming to the end of the show. Although I am glad that the producers are getting to tell the story that they want to tell, I am not looking forward to all of these characters being expendable. Since day one I always said,"I hope that Hurley makes it all the way to the end". Well, with the end drawing near it means that no matter what happens, these characters are all gonna be gone. I hope that this season blows me away all the way until the end!

Conan O'Brien

2010-01-22T10:53:00.001-08:00

When i was in my mid teens i used to spend my summer nights going to bed late after watching Late Night with David Letterman. I loved the fact that i could watch funny bits, oddity acts and see some of my favorite movie stars talk candidly. There was no internet, so it was a great way e exposed to larger world that i didn't know existed. It definitely shaped my mind as well as my sense of humor. In 1993 there was going to be a new host of Late Night and i knew that i had to see what this guy would do.

Right off the bat i knew that i was going to like Conan and Andy. They were way younger than Dave (at least in my mind) and being a 16 year old kid myself, i loved the fact that they were way more quirky than dave and felt like outcasts. You could tell that they were going to try something completely different and i was 100% on board for the ride. I remember John Goodman coming out as the first guest. There was a huge fanfare and Conan put a gigantic medal around his neck that said "First Guest". The show was rocky, but was so far out there, that it kept my interest.

Around the time i was 18 years old, my personal life began to change, but there was one constant. Conan O'Brien. If it was a school night, i would either stay up way late, or just tape it on the VCR in my room. A lot of times, especially as my father left and i was a senior in high school, i would just stay up late and watch Conan. It was comforting to know that no matter how shitty my day was, that i could go to bed on a light note.

Tonight marks the last time that Conan O'Brien will perform on NBC. Seven months ago he brought over the whole gang from Late Night and started to do The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. It was announce 5 years ago and there were high hopes for the next evolution in this great dynasty. I have Tivoed and watched every episode of the Tonight Show, in fact, i have been watching every single episode of Conan since i got my Tivo over eight years ago. Five nights a week for almost a decade and now it is all over, and only seven months after the first episode of The Tonight Show.

If you have been following my Facebook page, you know that i have been very vocal about the horrible news surrounding Conan's demise on NBC. Conan was the television equivalent of comfort food. It was the one thing that i could always rely on. I was very upset about the rumors that had been swimming around the internet, but when those rumors became a reality, i was devastated. I was so upset that i decided to brave the heinous weather last monday and join in the "I'm with CoCo" rally. There was nothing more gratifying than being at that rally. There was so much love for Conan and the staff that we felt like one big family. I got to talk to a bunch of the Tonight Show staffers, including head writer Mike Sweeney, who brought a bunch of us Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien hats from the nbc store.

I was so happy to be able to go to one of Conan's Tonight Show tapings last december. If i didn't go to that show, i would have forever regretted it. It was an amazing experience that i was lucky enough to share with my sister and wife.

In a couple of hours the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien will end. It will be the end of a great era of my life. Conan has been a part of my life since i was 16 years old. I have been watching Conan for half of my life and i cannot thank him enough for 17 years of entertainment.

I will forever support Conan O'Brien!

I'm With CoCo and G4!

2010-01-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

Game Trailers - E3 2010 - AOTS Exclusive

Blarg Sketchbook - "Hometown"

2010-01-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Rock 'N Learn Preschool

2010-01-19T00:35:00.000-08:00

"I'm With CoCo" Rally!

2010-01-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

This is a video from the Tonight Show Insider. It was rainy and miserable, but COMPLETELY worth every minute of it!!

I'M WITH COCO!

Broken Lizard

2010-01-16T11:15:00.001-08:00

Last night, the gang behind Beerfest, Club Dread, Puddle Cruiser, Slammin' Salmon and Super Troopers were performing at the Improv in Brea. Jay Chandrasekhar, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske and Kevin Heffernan make up the comedy troupe Broken Lizard. My friend Jocelyn purchased me and Stevi tickets for our upcoming birthday and we had a blast!

The show was pretty great. It started off with some audience participation in which the guys, dressed as their Vermont State Trooper counterparts. There was some standup comedy from Lemme, Soter and Jay. I think of all of the standup acts, Jay's was my favorite. He went into a long rant about how he was currently changing into a woman. It was so hilarious that i could not do it justice by trying to retell it. I guess you are just going to have to go to the show.

In between the standup performances, there was some great storytelling moments. The one that stands out is the time that Lemme and Heffernan met their idol Patrick Swayze. It was a fantastic story full of ups and downs.

The most interesting story of the whole night came at the end of the show. At the end of the night all five members came up on stage and started to tell stories about how they all came to meet each other. Heffernan told a story about how Lemme stole his jacket at one party, only to discover the same jacket in the coat room at a party months later with Lemme's student ID in the pocket.

Jay then told the story about how he met Erik Stolhanske. They were both in college, working in the set dressing class for theater. They were both hammering sets. They got to talking when they started to discuss a rivalry that they had between both of their home towns. Stolhanske started talking shit on Jay's home town of Chicago and then it started to get physical. To prove that he was tougher than Jay, Erik took the hammer he was using and whacked himself in the ankle. Trying to hold back the pain, Stolhanske told Jay that his home town was full of pussies. Jay decided that he was not a pussy, so he whacked his own ankle with a hammer. Both of them wincing in pain, Stolhanske decided that he still wants to one-up Jay, so he runs full speed toward a brick wall and kicks the shit out of it. He screams in pain. Jay follows suit. Then, in a brilliant move, Erik grabs a pneumatic staple gun and holds it up against his calf. Jay says that he cannot believe how fucking nuts this dude is, but knows if he pulls the trigger he won't be able to pussy out now. Erik pulls the trigger sending a staple into his calf. Erik yells and Jay grabs the gun. Jay mentions that he is going to shoot the staple into his thigh, because he hopes that the extra meat on the bones would soften the blow. At this point in the show, Jay pulls out a hammer and says "That is when Erik stopped me from shooting the staple into my leg and shows me this". Jay starts whacking Erik's leg with the hammer repeatedly on stage. Paul Soter gets up, grabs a mic stand and also starts wailing on Erik's leg. Then it is revealed to the audience that Erik Stolhanske has a prosthetic leg and has been pulling this prank for years!!

The show ended with Team USA doing rowboats against "The Germans" (three audience members), with the Broken Lizard guys blowing away the competition. It was a terrific night and wish it could have lasted three hours longer. I would love to hang out with these guys for one night, they are absolutely hilarious!!

Big News, from Conan O'Brien!

2010-01-12T13:20:00.000-08:00

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Cock Hammer

2010-01-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Tommy and the Cool Mule

2010-01-05T00:32:00.000-08:00

Shitty DVD Covers of the Week - Princess of Mars

2009-12-29T08:16:00.000-08:00

Highlights of 2009

2009-12-27T22:59:00.000-08:00

GEOFF JOHN'S BLACKEST NIGHT

What Geoff John's did with this Green Lantern story is nothing short of spectacular. Better than anything hollywood had to offer!

I LOVE YOU, MAN

This has to be my favorite comedy of the year! Paul Rudd is brilliant!

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS
Even though this series began in 2008, the Bluray release of season 1 was stunning and great fun. Star Wars as a Serial!!

COMMUNITY

Each episode is better than the previous. The Office and 30 Rock are getting a bit on the stale side and Community is a great shot to the arm that my Thursday Night Comedies need!!

UNCHARTED 2: AMONG THIEVES There is a reason why this won VGA's game of the year. It is absolutely amazing. I would lend it out to friends with PS3s, if the online multi-player wasn't so damn fun!!

LOST: THE FIFTH SEASON
Time Travel + LOST = a surprisingly easy to follow narrative!! Best show on television!!

NEW SUPER MARIO BROS. Wii

Classic gameplay and enough bells and whistles to keep you interested. New Super Mario Bros. Wii is a great addition to the side scrolling franchise!! Now i just need the Sonic Team to get the ball rolling!!

MICHAEL GIACCHINO: UP/STAR TREK

Michael Giacchino continues to impress. He put out another great season of scoring LOST and his score to Land of the Lost was really fun (even though the movie disappointed). Star Trek and Up have to be my favorite scores of the year and Giacchino continues to climb the ranks of my favorite film composers currently working!!

DISTRICT 9

Hands Down my favorite film of the year. It has some familiar themes, but takes them and makes them their own. Never have i considered an asshole, good for nothing, racist, alien aborting, low-life, lackey a complete badass!! Wikus is a tortured soul who deserves every minute of hell that the MNU and Alien "Prawns" have to offer!! Yet you feel bad for him. Fantastic Film!!!

Holiday Favorites

2009-12-24T11:31:00.000-08:00

DIE HARD
I love that someone decided to take the classic christmas story of a man who visits his estranged family for the holidays, only to reconnect with them in the end, then fill it with violence! Die Hard is probably the best Action Packed Holiday Classic!! The only other action/christmas movie that i can think of is Die Hard 2, which i find just as entertaining. Not a single christmas should go by without watching Die Hard!

THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE
When i say Holiday Favorites, i am not saying it because it is "P.C." to include all holidays, but rather, i use Holidays to say that there are some good New Year's Eve movies out there too and none are better than The Poseidon Adventure!! There are a ton of remakes of this classic, but all of them pale in comparison. The SS Poseidon has just capsized and it is up to Gene Hackman to escort the passengers and crew to the bottom of the ship which is now the top of the ship! A giant metal christmas tree is the perfect place to start this dangerous trek!

A CHRISTMAS STORY
I don't remember a holiday season when i didn't watch A Christmas Story. I don't know when this huge Christmas Story resurgence happened but i kind of like it. I don't mind that there are now a billion products out there with leg lamps on them, because no matter how commercial it has become, when i sit down and watch the movie, it still feels like a quiet intimate movie that reminds me of Christmas Past.

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE
It is no coincidence that George Lazenby graces every 007 calendar on December. No, it's not because they just threw him in at the end. It's because On Her Majesty's Secret Service takes place during the Christmas season. I have to watch this movie every christmas and i am pretty sure i am a better person because of it. Nothing says Merry Christmas, like bullet in your new bride's head!

CQ
CW is one of my favorite films. In fact, it is in my Top 10. This film does not have many holiday themes in it, but it does take place from December 20th through the New Year between 1969 and 1970, which is enough for me to watch it this time of year.

KISS KISS BANG BANG
This movie is a full on Christmas Film. If you haven't seen this movie and are tired of the same old Holiday fare, i recommend this action, adventure buddy detective comedy! Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr are incredibly funny and Michelle Monaghan is great! This is my favorite new holiday classic and have watched it every Christmas since it hit home video.

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Lightworkers and the Archangel Michael

2009-12-22T16:54:00.000-08:00

Mad Libs Monday - How to Enjoy Yourself on the Beach

2009-12-21T02:39:00.000-08:00

When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of piss, lots of suntan fags, and a couple of folding sybians. Then you put on your condoms so you can get a beautiful diareah-brown to last you all summer.

You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your horse cock. If you want exercise, you can find some shits to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America’s favorite hairless game.

You can also bring a shitty lunch, such as hard-boiled dongs, a few penis fish sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of knuckle-cunt cola.

If you remember all of the above and get a place near a dope-ass lifeguard, you can sunbathe swimingly all day.

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Now That's Weird

2009-12-15T18:03:00.001-08:00

Mad Libs Monday - A Letter to a Friend Back Home

2009-12-14T02:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Hairless Bill,
Well, here we are at the fucked Seaside Hotel in your mom's garage. The weather is shit soaked and the temperature is one degrees. Our hotel room looks out onto a garden filled with piss salad trees and tropical homies.

The natives are all farty and spend their time blowing and riding their fucks through the streets. Most of them only speak fucking chinese, but I can communicate by making signs with my hairless gash.

The local food is really shaved. Mostly they eat skanky burritos and refried hairy coleslaw. Our hotel only costs a hundred rump-humpers a day. We are going to spend the week horning and then come home.

Wish you were here.

Ralph-

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Money

2009-12-08T04:08:00.000-08:00

Mad Libs Monday - Driving in the Car

2009-12-07T02:11:00.000-08:00

Last summer for a vacation, my dad drove us to the fuck house. Our car is a 2012 sedan with three trillion doors and a hung motor. We started out at sunrise. My mom and dad spent all night shape shifting the house and ovulating the car so we could get an early start.

My dad took his golf fun bags and my mom took her tennis spunk. I took my dog, Hairless Bob. The dog and I and my little horny sister sat in the back. My dad was the driver, and as he came out of the driveway he ran into a fart and dented a tampon. My mom said, “Why don’t you pay attention and watch where you are stroking?”

After another trillion hours, we stopped to stroke at a shit covered plant. The shit covered plant was horrible, and this got my dad masterbating again.

After driving swimmingly in this manner for two days, we finally arrived here and have been having a really storied time.

The Living Daylights

2009-12-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

Alright, now we're fucking talking!! After 12 old years of Roger Moore it is now time to kick things into high gear! Mr. Timothy "Prince Barin" Dalton is the new James Bond and he is here to kick as and take names, without raising a single eyebrow! T-Dalt is my third favorite actor in the role of 007 and this is the best of his two outings.

The Living Daylights marks the third time that the producers of the 007 films had decided to go back to Fleming's roots. The first act of the movie follows Ian Fleming's short story The Living Daylights, then expands on it into an awesome action adventure. Even though Timothy Dalton brought a tough edge to 007, the movie is still littered with awesome gadgets and stunts!

The pre title sequence is a great opening to a bond film, in which a training exercise at Gibraltar goes south and 007 is thrown into an epic battle that ends with him parachuting from a jeep. Yes, you heard me. He parachutes from a jeep!!

The Stunts in this movie are so fantastic and even though it is 22 years old, it still has my favorite end fight sequence of any 007 film. It involves Bond vs. Necros hanging from a giant cargo net that is swinging off the back of a huge airplane. It's so badass.

Everything about this movie is great. This also marks the final film scored by John Barry. He puts forth an incredible effort! The Living Daylights is my third favorite Bond film and even though it happens to be the first 007 movie i had ever seen, it is not a bias opinion. This movie ROCKS!!

This movie attempted to do what the Daniel Craig films did, as far as rebooting the franchise and bringing Fleming's Bond back to the big screen. I just don't think the good folks of 1987 were quite ready for it.

If you haven't seen this movie yet, do yourself a favor and bump it to the top of your Netflix queue and watch it!!!

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Blarg Sketchbook - "Sloth"

2009-12-01T05:06:00.000-08:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Aaron...Albeit a Sex Hero

2009-12-01T01:28:00.000-08:00

Mad Libs Monday - Vacation

2009-11-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

A vacation is when you take a trip to some fucked place with your shitty family. Usually you go to some place that is near a hairy beanbag or up on a tit. A good vacation place is one where you can ride shit beetles or play hide and fuck or go hunting for poo poos. I like to spend my time horse fucking or butt fucking.

When parents go on a vacation, they spend their time eating three big ol titties a day, and fathers play golf, and mothers sit around jerking. Last summer, my little brother fell in an ass and got poison Venus ball trap all over his huge testicles. My family is going to go to a whore house, and I will practice fellating.

Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very fucked and because they have to work a billion and 69 hours every day all year making enough assholes to pay for the vacation.

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Dinosaur Valley Girls

2009-11-24T10:36:00.001-08:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Thankskilling

2009-11-17T15:40:00.001-08:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Near Dark

2009-11-10T04:08:00.000-08:00

This is a pretty good movie. I hate vampires, especially "new vampires" and they just took something descent and made a shit ass cover. This is not the worse cover this week, but the principle of turning it into a "Twilight" cover is the shitty!

Clone Wars: Season 1 - Blu-ray Review

2009-11-09T15:56:00.000-08:00

It's pretty well known that I like Star Wars. I really like the universe and mythology. Even though the prequels were not the greatest of motion pictures, I definitely like that the Star Wars universe has been opened up with more technology, life forms, droids and locations.

The thing that i noticed from the prequels is that George Lucas has an active imagination and his team of artists and technicians treat the series with great affection. If you put the Star Wars universe in someone else's hands, they take care of it better than George Lucas would ever do. He is full of imagination, but does not have that filter that us fans would have.

When i first heard that they were making a Clone Wars series, i had pretty much dismissed it as a children's show and decided that it was going to be a cartoon made for those kids from the prequel era of Star Wars. Last Christmas i received the "theatrical Clone Wars" on blu ray. I watched it and thought it was really boring. It sort of doused any flicker of hope that i had for Star Wars.

But for some reason i decided to set the Tivo to record an episode of the series and i have to tell you, this is actually a really good show. There are moments that are definitely geared towards the younger set, but the great thing is that the people behind the show try to filter out some of the more questionable aspects of the prequels and make them more "classic" friendly. There is a lot of dialogue in the series which are lifted directly from the original trilogy. There is also a lot of technology and creatures that bridge the gap between the classic and prequel trilogies. And thankfully you don't have to watch too many episodes before it starts catering to those who have given up on Star Wars.

Thanks to this show bridging the gap between episode II and III, it really makes those two films a little bit better. It adds weight and dimension to some of those characters you only get to see briefly in the films.

Last week i received the entire first season on Blu ray for only $34.99 on Amazon, which is an absolute STEAL for what you get. The Blu Rays are packed with extras, including director's cuts, featurettes for each episode as well as artwork for the series. The packaging is amazing. The discs come in a booklet filled with amazing artwork from the series. The footage looks incredible in 1080 and really shows off the great "painted" style of the series.

Anyone who was into Star Wars at one time in their life, only to be let down by the prequels, this is a great way to feel like a kid again. These are Star Wars in the literal sense and it is great seeing World War 2 type of warfare set in the Star Wars universe and Blu Ray is the only way to watch these! Finally, it's Star Wars in Saturday Morning Serial Form!!

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Some of My Favorite Films

2009-11-05T13:38:00.000-08:00

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
32. Alien
33. Top Secret!
34. Six String Samurai
35. Brazil
36. Big Trouble in Little China
37. Summer School
38. Unbreakable
39. Dead Alive
40. Planet of the Apes
41. District 9

A View to a Kill

2009-11-03T21:44:00.001-08:00

For the last few 007 reviews, i have mentioned how OLD Roger Moore was. This review is no different. HOLY MOSES! This dude is like a human prune, and apparently is just as sexy as he was in 1973 when he did Live and Let Die. Even though Roger Moore is super fucking old looking, it does not compare to how fucking old Lois "Ms. Moneypenny" Maxwell looks. Watching these two interact is like watching Q's balls slapping together between his old wrinkly legs!

So anyway, James Bond is thrown into another globe trotting adventure that takes him around the world that he must save. This movie has to be, in my opinion, the worse 007 movie ever! There is only two things in this movie that actually stand out. Christopher Walken and Patrick Macnee. Walken is a total badass and Macnee is probably the greatest of Bond's sidekicks.

Everything else in the movie is pretty sucky. Grace Jones and Tanya Roberts are the shittiest pair of Bond Girls to ever be put in the same movie. Grace Jones is just too fucking weird to be hot and Tanya Roberts is absolutely ANNOYING! There is not a single stunt that stands out. The "Beach Boys" song at the beginning is atrocious.

I honestly do not want to go on about this movie, but the crappy blue-screen climax on the Golden Gate Bridge is the final nail in the boring coffin. James Bond films are great because they are escapism at their finest, but going to San Francisco is something that i can do on any given weekend.

The best thing about A View to a Kill, that it marks the 3rd time that the Bond producers decided to reevaluate the direction of the franchise. It happened after You Only Live Twice and Moonraker and i could not be happier to be saying goodbye to Roger Moore who peaked two movies prior and move on to a more grittier Fleming Bond.

So long Mr. Moore and hello Mr. Dalton!!

★ ½

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - The Little Cars Big Adventure

2009-11-03T00:14:00.000-08:00

Along the line of What's Up.

Halloween 2009

2009-10-30T16:57:00.001-07:00

1. Adam Maitland
2. Carl
3. Deja Vu
4. Landfill
5. Ash
6. Michael McDonald
7. Jamie Hyneman
8. Brodie Bruce

I am usually a big fan of Halloween, but this year i feel like i could care less. For some reason i am just not motivated to figure out a costume to wear. I have 24 hours to come up with something.

Shitty DVD Covers of the Week - Off We Go Then!: Thuggin It & Lovin It: Born of Fire: I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle!!!

2009-10-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

Could you pick which was the shittiest dvd cover that was released today? I couldn't.

Blarg Sketchbook - "Devil's Night"

2009-10-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

My friend Justin Shady has a website called THE BLARG. For the last few months he has been doing a feature called "Sketchbook". Justin sends out a key word or phrase to contributers, who use it as inspiration to show off their artistic talent. This month's phrase was "Devil's Night".

The story behind it is sort of an inside "joke". You see Justin has not received his books that Image published for him. My piece to show why he hasn't received his package yet. CHECK OUT my piece titled Devil's Night" and let me know what you think!

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Moonchild

2009-10-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Small-Circle Jujitsu

2009-10-13T04:18:00.000-07:00

Take That, Moon!

2009-10-08T15:05:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what the purpose of doing this is, but tonight NASA (Need Another Seven Astronauts) will launch some rockets at the moon to see if there is water under the surface. This is officially the most badass divining rod in the history of divining technology!

I don't know if NASA is feeling the heat of the recession or if this is their way of getting us out of it, but this sounds like the craziest plan to put our money towards. Maybe in addition to finding delicious moon water, they will find a ton of gold that will shower down on America!

OR, maybe they are using this as an excuse to "accidentally" blow up the Lunar Lander that they claim went to the moon. I am sure with all of the technology around nowadays, someone would be able to prove the moon landing hoax with a telescope purchased at any telescope outlet. This is the perfect way of NASA saying, "Oh shoot, now you won't be able to see the lunar lander that clearly went to the moon."

Either way, i can't wait to watch the video of this going down.

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - The Wildcats of St. Trinian's

2009-10-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

Another tough decision this week!!
RUNNERS UP:
BIGFOOT
Shopping for Fangs
Dumped
Make Money Online & Work from Home
Introspective
Stretch Away Soccer Pain
The Lola Falana Show

Uncharted 2: Multiplayer Online Beta

2009-10-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

I am not a huge video game fanatic, but every once and a while a game will come out that i am really excited about. I do not own many games, but there are a few series that i will continue to revisit. I will play any Zelda, Mario Kart, Metroid or Resistance game. I will also get into some MLB from time to time.

Right now i am really excited for the sequel to one of the best games that i have ever played on the PS3, Uncharted: Drakes Fortune! Uncharted 2: Among Thieves is coming out in ten days and i am getting really fired up! The REVIEWS for the game have been off the charts, and if you follow that link, you can see just how beautiful it looks!

Since i still have to wait about two weeks to play it, the producers of the game, Naughty Dog, have allowed us PS3 owners to download a free Multiplayer Beta for the online version of Among Thieves and it is pretty fucking fun!! I cannot wait until i get the game and unlock all of the map packs.

I highly recommend anyone who has a PS3, to check out the first Uncharted, because this is shaping up to be quite the franchise!

if you want to join me in an online campaign just be my PS3 friend:

Blarg Sketchbook - "Warm Gun"

2009-10-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

My friend Justin Shady has a website called THE BLARG. For the last few months he has been doing a feature called "Sketchbook". Justin sends out a key word or phrase to contributers, who use it as inspiration to show off their artistic talent. This month's phrase was "Warm Gun".

My entry was Tim Gunn in a parka in the middle of a desert. I know, it's kinda corny, but i liked the way it turned out. CHECK OUT my piece titled "Hot Tim" and let me know what you think!

623 Days Left

2009-10-01T18:35:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at work and i am bored. There is not much left for me to do here today, so i figured that i would post a blog. I really don't have much on my mind and i just read a chapter of my Green Lantern Archives and it made me think of the GL movie that is eventually going to come out.

I checked a countdown clock to see how much longer i had to wait and it looks like there is a lot of time left. I am glad that Where the Wild Things Are comes out soon and that LOST: Season 6 as well as TRON: Legacy are on the horizon! I guess we will get another Iron Man movie before then as well. Hopefully my brain can be preocupied enough so that i don't go insane by June 11, 2011.

I guess i can just keep reading all the GL related comics up until then.

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Baby Love

2009-09-29T00:58:00.000-07:00

This week was really tough to decide!

Are These The Greatest Pictures Ever?

2009-09-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

...OF COURSE THEY ARE!

Octopussy

2009-09-22T15:21:00.001-07:00

In 1983 Warner Bros. was going to release a remake of Thunderball, starring Sean Connery as James Bond. With EON productions feeling threatened by having a lesser product out, they decided to keep their established 007 actor in the role opposed to casting a new one. 1983 became the year of the Double Old Farts!

Octopussy just may be one of the least memorable outings in the entire franchise. Every time i go to watch Octopussy, i think, "Oh that's this one". Octopussy isn't that bad of a film, there is just some really questionable moments sprinkled throughout, which is strange because of how much work they did in the previous film to ground 007 in reality. Some of the most insane moments from the whole franchise happen in Octopussy, including James Bond driving a mechanical aligator, a buzzsaw yo-yo, a mechanical horse's ass, a Tarzan yell and James Bond dressed as a circus clown.

So it had been 11 years since Roger Moore had begun portraying 007 and this dude aged as poorly as a jack o' lantern. He is so gross and wrinkly that they had to recast old Maud Adams to play his love interest. He is all hunched over and it doesn't help that they put him in old people's clothes. I could be wrong, but i am pretty sure there is a point in the film where Roger Moore is wearing a Fort Lauderdale retiree one piece suit. I think that every time he throws a punch he also throws out his back. It is really embarrassing watching a "Panti-Hose Doll" trying to run around on top a train while chasing bad guys.

There is not much to say about the other characters in Octopussy. The only real stand out in the film is Vijay Amritraj, James Bond's contact in India. He is probably the most likable sidekick in any of the Bond Films and his death is probably the most heartbreaking. The girls are really 80's looking, especially Octopussy's henchwoman played by Kristina Wayborn. She is super 80's looking.

Octopussy is not a good film, but it is a hundred times better than the Sean Connery film Never Say Never Again! Thank God that Roger Moore finally stepped down from the role of 007 after Octopussy, because he was getting WAY TO FREAKING OLD!!!

Wait, what? Roger Moore will Return in A View to a Kill??

★ ★ ½

Crank: High Voltage - Blu-ray Review

2009-09-22T11:02:00.001-07:00

I know that i did not give a favorable review for Crank: High Voltage, but i decided that i really wanted the blu-ray when it came out. I really love the characters and no matter how much the last 5 minutes was off-putting, i still liked the majority of the stuff before it. Come hell or high water i was going to force myself to be okay with Crank 2. At least this time i knew what i was in for and i have to admit that i like the movie a lot more than my original review.

The fact that the ending is so far out there sort of made me laugh this time as opposed to cocking my head like a confused dog. I started watching the extra features as soon as i put in the disc and sure enough the writers/directors Nevaldine and Taylor mentioned that ending. They said that putting it in there was a "dare". They were sure that Lionsgate would not let them do that ending. When nobody at the studio mentioned it, they just assumed that they greenlit the script without reading it. That makes perfect sense to me. It is so fucking out there.

The movie still bugs me that Chev does not recover his own heart, but i guess it allows us to spend more time with Doc Miles. Even though the story didn't have the heart that the first one did, i sort of justify it by considering that it was the directors' intent to begin with.

All in all i still love the characters and feel that i was way too harsh on the film the first time. I guess i was overhyping myself on this and to be honest the "Crankness" of this movie is definitely ramped up ten-fold this time around.

The HD looks absolutely incredible in 1080 and the features are great! It is fun watching Nevaldine/Taylor "not care" about the franchise, even though you can tell that they love it.

★ ★ ★ ¼

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Grave Danger

2009-09-22T00:09:00.000-07:00

KSUX - Oahu Radio

2009-09-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

If you ever get a chance to go to Oahu, be sure to take an iPod adapter or some compact discs, because the radio stations, if they come in clear, blow!!

While Stevi and i were driving around in the rental car all week, we were pretty much forced to listen to the radio. None of the songs on the radio were anything that i had ever heard of before, ever. I used Shazam to figure out what these songs were and boy were they random.

Here is a list of weird songs that we heard while in Hawaii.

Gimme Love - Collie Buddz
Rock Me Gently - Andy Kim
San Fransisco Nights - Eric Burdon/The Animals
Traces - Classics IV
How Can I Be Sure - Shelby Lynne
A Taste of Honey - Herb Alpert

The best thing about the Collie Buddz song is that it appears on a Sampler Album.

A SAMPLER ALBUM!!

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Cocaine City 13

2009-09-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Oahu

2009-09-11T15:57:00.001-07:00

I will be gone all next week in Hawaii. If you get a chance to check it out, i will be uploading pictures on my facebook page pretty much each day. I am hoping to be getting some more LOST related photos like i did when Stevi and I went in 2004. So, be sure to send me a friend request if you want to check them out.

For those of you who look forward to The Shitty DVD Cover of the Week, have no fear. I have one scheduled to be posted on Tuesday! See you in a week or so. Aloha!

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Night of the Dribbler

2009-09-08T00:34:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Composers!

2009-09-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

It donned on me that i have not really posted anything about one of my main passions. Film Music! I have been a big fan of film music ever since i was about five years old, when my mom refused to allow me to see Raiders of the Lost Ark. I really wanted to see the movie based on the commercials and i would draw pictures of Indiana Jones fighting snakes with his whip. Of course it just looked like Indy fighting a bunch of whips with his snake. My mom felt bad that i couldn't go see the movie, so she bought me the cassette tape of Raiders. Since then i have been listening to film scores! Over the last 27 years i have come to love a lot of composers. Here is my Top 10!

1. - Danny Elfman
2. - James Newton Howard
3. - Bernard Herrmann
4. - John Powell
5. - John Williams
6. - Michael Giacchino
7. - John Barry
8. - David Arnold
9. - Basil Poledouris
10.- Jerry Goldsmith

So there you have it!

Oh. Here's my bottom 10

1-8. -Hans Zimmer
9. -Monty Norman
10. -James Horner

Blarg Sketchbook -"Dead Men Tell No Tales"

2009-09-01T16:15:00.001-07:00

My friend Justin Shady has a website called THE BLARG. For the last two months he has been doing a feature called "Sketchbook". Justin sends out a key word or phrase to contributers, who use it as inspiration to show off their artistic talent. This month's phrase was "Dead Men Tell No Tales", and although i think i could have done better with my entry, i am really happy with my concept. CHECK OUT my piece titled "She Broke my Heart" and let me know what you think!

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Trippin' on Christmas

2009-09-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

For Your Eyes Only

2009-08-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

After Moonraker shot James Bond into outer space, there was only one place for 007 to go next. Greece! For Your Eyes Only would mark the second time in the Eon Productions franchise in which they decided to bring Bond out of the world of fantasy and back into the world of Ian Fleming. FYEO took elements from the Ian Fleming short stories "For Your Eyes Only" and "Risico" to create a down to Earth approach 007.

Old ass Roger Moore would once again portray the super sexy secret agent. In this installment, Roger Moore plays 007 with less tongue in cheek, which i don't think is an entirely good thing. There are some points where Moore is too serious and it does not work as well for him as say a Connery or Lazenby. I think that Roger Moore's lighter take on Bond works just fine.

Of all of the "Back to Fleming's Roots" films, this is my least favorite of the four, but it is still a great movie. The action is really good and locations are amazing. When i was younger i kept hearing about how one of the bond girls in FYEO was actually a man so for a long time i swore that the main lead, Carole Bouquet was actually a man. I think because she had such a stone cold face and was dubbed that i just decided that was enough for me. I later found out that she is not a dude, but a lady! That's good to know.

I am not a fan of Bibi Dhal in the film, but mostly because American Bond girls are annoying and Lynn-Holly Johnson was just to young for Roger Moore, who was seriously Fifty Four at the time. I think there was a 36 year age gap between the two of them. Luckily Bond was supposed to be annoyed with her and not be into banging away on her.

Probably my favorite part about the movie is the hilarious score by Bill Conti. It has to be heard to believed.

All in all i like For Your Eyes Only. It doesn't blow me away, but at least it isn't as heinous as the next few 007 outtings!

★ ★ ★½

What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue - Review

2009-08-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

When i first saw the cover for What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue i imidiately jumped to the conclusion that this film was a rip off of the Pixar film Up. Boy, was i way off! This movie is absolutely nothing like Up, with the exception of the fact that there is a boy, an old man and a flying house.

Where as Up is a beautifully, emotional adventure story filled with peril and self discovery, What's Up is a pile of shit that has nothing to do with anything other than heinous dialogue, child endangerment and racial stereotypes. As you find out in the first excruciating minute of exposition, you meet a group of Monster trappers headed by two old scientists and a dumb teenage girl and her stupid annoying brother. Apparently these idiots are called into action to send dumb looking monsters into an equally dumb looking dimension.

These Monster Trappers get some sort of magic stone that is able to fuel their house/laboratory and make it fly. Apparently one of the scientists is not too keen on flying which really comes in handy when you make a flying house. Why would you make something fly that isn't supposed to fly. Don't you think that would make your phobia of flight worse, by making a flying rickety house?!

So, for some reason these people decide to take the house for a spin. While IN THE AIR they get a knock on the KITCHEN DOOR. Somehow this french dude, made it up into the house with great ease, wandered into the house and decided to knock on the kitchen door. After a few French smell jokes, the crew decides to allow this "French Explorer" with them.

The idiots land in the middle of the Amazon, which is less detailed than my Tiger Woods' iPhone Golf game, and decide to go into a cave. Why do they go into the cave? I forget but who cares. While they are in the cave, the French dude, grabs the magic stone and tells us that he is going to use it to control the minds of every person on the planet. He starts off by causing a Hot Air balloon to crash into a tree. After this he takes some TNT and blows up the entrance to the cave, trapping the idiot monster hunters inside.

Somehow, these morons get loose from the cave and have a conversation with the french dude, who they still trust. The Frenchy drops the magic rock and it is rendered useless. So they decide to steal the Hot Air balloon to make the house fly. I am pretty sure that they leave the ballon pilot in the tree.

So, these fucking geniuses decide that they still trust old Frenchy and not only that, but the retarded girl that is with them has become smitten with him. While they are flying around in the house, that they can somehow control, the Frenchy starts to hit on the girl but her stupid annoying brother is watching tv. So what else could this trusted friend do, but Drug the little boy so he can hit on his sister. Yep, the little annoying kid gets drugged!

So apparently there are some monsters around the world that need to be trapped, so these fools go to a couple of places and trap them. But the best part is when they show up at the Great Wall of China, where they meet a Chinese man, who is probably named "Ching-Chong" for all i know. I know what you are thinking, "Damn ralph, that is really racist of you". But you have no idea how many stereotypes they fit into this one character!!! They gave this dude a camera and put a takeout container of Chow Mein on his t-shirt! They say stereotypical things to him and make him travel outside the house in the containment orb with the monsters. You think that's bad, you should see when the little annoying shit brother taunts the monsters and that Chinese Man with cookies!!

All in all this movie is a total pile of shit. I mean, it is really bad!!! I hate it with all my might. The dialogue is obviously put in after the animation was complete and the people who translated it, from wherever this movie came from, had no idea what the story was before they wrote the lines. Also, they only had one take to get the dialogue recorded. Also the dialogue sounds like the way i am typing this. Also i want to punch this movie in the face!

Up your butt, What's Up?!

ZERO FUCKING STARS!!

2nd Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - Dracula's Fiancée

2009-08-25T00:01:00.001-07:00

I could not decide on just one SDVDCotW.

Gauntlet Films

2009-08-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

I am going to start VHS hunting again!!

Let me know if you come across any "winners"!

SEE MY VIDEOS

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - NYC Public School Principal

2009-08-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - David & Goliath

2009-08-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

District 9 - Review

2009-08-17T10:28:00.001-07:00

District 9 just may be my favorite film of 2009. A few weeks ago i posted a blog about how 1982 was chocked full of awesome sci fi and other geek films and that it was a shame that this whole year has been nothing short of lackluster. With all of the remakes and sequels and licensed pictures that come out, it starts to gets really frustrating when original films get overshadowed by cookie cutter crap. My three favorite films that have come out this year all were released within a week from each other between May 29th-June 5th. Up, The Hangover and Drag me to Hell are three of my favorite films this year and are the only films that weren't adapted from a book, toy, video game or comic.

The last film i saw was Transformers 2. Even though i liked the original a lot, the second one left such a bad taste in my mouth that it made me rethink seeing a lot of movies this summer up until two days ago. District 9 was a film that i had been looking forward to for a long time. A few years back i heard that Neill Blomkamp was going to direct the Peter Jackson produced Halo film. Back then, all of us Halo fans said "Who the hell is Neill Blomkamp?". So we all started looking him up and had all come across Alive in Joburg a short film about an alien race that was forced to live in a walled off shanty town patrolled by the military. We all ate it up. We thought that the movie was badass enough for us to "allow" this guy to make Halo. Even though Neill Blomkamp's Halo short films were amazing and Peter Jackson has proven that he could produce a blockbuster film, Halo fell through and so they started working on the feature length version of Alive in Joburg aka District 9.

With any great science fiction film, there is some social commentary, but not to worry, D9 is not as heavy handed as the commercials will lead you to believe. There is some hints of race riots, concentration camps and the civil rights movement, but a lot of that is abandoned by about the fifteen minute mark. The thing that surprised me was the fact that the documentary aspect of the film was also abandoned really early on, which would be my only gripe. The movie is set up like a documentary with pieces of news footage, interviews and field camera work, which made a scene between two aliens discussing the construction of an alien technology a bit jarring. For a few minutes i was taken out of the film. I kept thinking, who is the camera man that is shooting this conversation?

Once i got used to the fact that D9 was no longer a documentary, but a scripted story shot in a documentary style, i got into this film big time. The story is pretty interesting and something that none of the advertisements tell you about. This film is about a man named Wikus Van De Merwe who is the head of a government program that oversees the alien inhabitants of District 9. During an operation in which he is relocating the alien "Prawns" he gets sprayed with a chemical that slowly begins to alter his DNA and turns him into a half man half alien being. The government wants Wikus due to the fact that he is the only "human" that can operate the Prawn's biochemical weapons. Long story short, Wikus escapes and seeks refuge in District 9 where he becomes partners with an unlikely Alien creature. They both need each other to get what they require and the film turns into an all out buddy action film. I know what you may be thinking, here is just another movie that takes the low road by filling the last half with action, but this actually works. The action is driven by the drama and never feels forced.

With the brutal nature of the beginning of the film, you know that there is real danger around every corner. You root for the two heroes knowing that either of them can die at any moment. The fact that both Wikus and "Christopher" the Prawn have such different missions, you have no idea if the film will allow for two happy endings, which heightens the drama. Will one of them die? The chances are highly likely and that fact alone kept me on the edge of my seat.

District 9 is such a breath of fresh air! It is an original idea with many familiar element from science fiction films of the past. D9 takes from such classics as The Fly, Evil Dead 2, Logan's, Run and Alien Nation. It also takes from some of the greatest buddy action films of the past thirty years and was unapologetically self aware of that fact. The film is full of imagery that will be considered classic moments in sci-fi cinema. The final shot of District 9 is one of those iconic shots that are reminiscent of films like The Planet of the Apes and Evil Dead 2.

As soon as District 9 was over, i decided that i was going to buy the Blu-Ray as soon as it hit the shelves. I cannot wait to see this film again and i highly recommend that you check it out if given the chance. District 9 is probably the greatest science fiction film of this century!

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Shitty DVD Cover of the Week - The Great Dumbbell DVD

2009-08-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

A Badass Year for Movies - 1982

2009-08-08T22:25:00.000-07:00

This past week i decided to scratch an itch that i had been letting fester for a while. I wanted to watch The Dark Crystal. So on Monday, i wasn't feeling well and felt that it was the perfect time to pop it in. I laid on the couch and paid close attention to it and realized that it was a pretty amazing piece of work. I had seen it a million times on cable when i was a kid, but i am fairly certain that i had no clue what was going on. The same goes for the movie that i decided to pop in on Tuesday night. Tron.

Tron was one of those movies that i had never fully understood until i watched it this week. I can chalk this ignorance of Tron's "complex" plot to innocent youth and the slow pace of the film.

Last night i decided to pop in another slow paced science fiction film that baffled me when i was a youngster. Blade Runner. Blade Runner is a film that i become a bigger fan of with each viewing. As i sat and watched this film, knowing the full story front to back, i decided to analyze it's story telling as well as it's technical merits. Blade Runner is an outstanding piece of art and is the favorite of the three films i have mentioned.

Right now in theaters is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and i couldn't be any less excited. In fact, there isn't a single movie that has been released this year with the exception of a few that could give a crap about. There is something like three or four films that i think of as entertaining, but not even close to being that good.

2009 will never be looked back on in such a high regard as the year that Blade Runner, Tron and The Dark Crystal were released. 1982. Check out this list of movies!

48 Hours
Airplane II: The Sequel
Annie
The Beastmaster
Blade Runner
Conan the Barbarian
Creepshow
The Dark Crystal
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
First Blood
Megaforce
Poltergeist
Porky's
Rocky III
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Swamp Thing
The Thing
Tron

These are all movies that i would stop and watch if they were on tv right now. That is 17 movies that were released in 1982. That is more than one awesome movie a month. I know that some of them aren't the greatest, and nostalgia may be interfering with my opinions, but they will blow just about anything that came out this year out of the water. If you look at the full list, i am sure there are movies that i left off, that you would love to watch right now.

So, here's to 1982, a badass year for movies!!